Anybody Have A Map? A Warriors Road Trip
by Azureflower
Summary: Yes, you read that right! The Warrior Humans have decided to take a summer on the road! Fifteen sweaty, hormonal teens piled into Foxleap's mom's hippie van for ten. Whole. Weeks. Well, at least they have a map...oh wait, no they don't. Because Foxleap ate it.(Don't ask.)Welcome to the ride of your life... cue the 80's hits! And the pained screams of the Warriors that follow them!


FOXLEAP

I watched as my mother's orange, blue, purple, puce, hot-pink, and neon van pulled up to the school. Dragging a hand down my face, I groaned in embarrassment. Why did MY mother, MY mother with the humiliating hippie van, have to volunteer as the Summer Road Trip chaperone? It was bad enough that I'd be spending 100% of my time this summer with the same fourteen other people, but in a tiny (well, not really, but you get my drift) van that my mother was almost sure to fill with 60's Musk air freshener scent and disco music? While my friends were in it? Now that was too much.

I tried pleading.

"Mom, please don't chaperone!" I had begged that cold January morning. She'd shaken her head.

"Sorry Foxy, but it's all set." Ferncloud said. I'd almost torn my hair out. Ten weeks?! In her smelly van?! With... I'd gulped. ...other people? The prospect on its own was terrifying. But with other people? Boy, was I in for it.

I tried negotiating.

"Mom! Momomomomom! if you don't go on the road trip, I'll give you this $150 Starbucks card!" I'd begged. "Sorry, honey. i'm going whether you like it or not." She reached over and plucked the card our of my fingers. "Thanks for the card though..." She'd smiled and kissed me on the head, then sauntered out to get a triple mocha latte while I seethed.

I even tried being a suck-up. Ew. Just saying it makes me want to barf.

"Mom! You look noisome today!" I'd schmoozed one morning. I was trying to tell her she looked "noice" (nice) and awesome, rolled into one word. Noisome. Great idea, right?

One problem. Turns out it means ugly. AND unpleasant.

BOY, did I screw up there.

Whew. To make up for that one incident, I was scrubbing toilets for weeks. WEEKS. I can still see it whenever I close my eyes... when you live in a house of ten people, the bathroom becomes a living nightmare... I shuddered. Mom looked out at me from the window. "Hiiiii honey! Ready to go?" I could have died when she pulled out my laxatives for my fiber-lacking disorder... "Does Foxy-poo need his special-wecial bathwoom medicine?" she crooned in a baby voice. I must have been as red as the school's front door at that point. Thank goodness none of my friends were around... then I heard Berrynose snicker.

"Foxy-poo? Bathwoom medicine?" He and Lionblaze laughed. "Wha- how long have you been standing there?" I protested. No, no, no...

Icecloud ruffled my hair. "Long enough to know you're very special-wecial!" I swatted her hand away. "Aw, cmon, you knew the whole time. Do you have to make fun of me too?" She smiles. "Yep. I'm your sister, it's my job." She claps her hands together in a businesslike fashion. "'Kay, so I'm taking roll." Icecloud yanks a sheet of folded paper out of my clenched knuckles. "I'll take that..." she says, teeth clenched.

"Okay! If you hear your name, raise your hand or say something indicatory. Hazeltail!"

"Here." Hazeltail lifts her head.

"Dovewing!"

Dovewing lifts her head from putting on lip gloss the color of carnations. "Yes?"

"Cinderheart!"

"Hi!" she says perkily.

"Hollyleaf!"

"...Huh? Oh! Here!" Hollyleaf had her nose in a book. Not surprising...

"Ivypool?"

"Yo." She inclines her head, holding the arm of her dark-green sunglasses between two fingers. She's really quite stunning. It's no wonder she's a hit with guys.

"Fernsong, Fallen Leaves, Jayfeather, and Tigerheart?"

"Hey."

"Here!"

"Present."

"Wassup?"

The four boys' voices ring out in greeting. Icecloud checks them off. "Aaand... Foxleap, Berrynose... me. That's everyone. Into the van, guys." I groan internally. And now the part I dread... humiliation. Yaaaay.

I can still stop this nightmare...

I grab the map and stuff it into my mouth, chewing as fast as I can and swallowing. The group looks at me with disgust. "Whuf?" I mumble. They obviously didn't realize that I have eaten the map, the most valuable thing on this trip. Without the map, we can't navigate, so then by the transitive property, (ipso facto,*) the trip… will be as good as canceled. Ha. Nice try, Mom, but your hippie music singalongs will have to wait.

Everyone climbs into the van. Mom honks the horn. "All right, kids! Time to get this par-tay started!" She pretends to raise the roof, and this time it's not only me dropping my head into my hands in embarrassment. Poor Icecloud.

Ferncloud busies herself with rummaging around for the map. "Where is it? I could have sworn it was here…" she mutters to herself. Ha, I think. No "partay-ies" are getting started today. She gives up after a minute, then turns to the backseats. "Guys, I'm sorry, but the map is missing. We can't navigate without a map, so the trip might be canceled." She sighs, unlocking the doors. I'm doing an internal happy dance. Let's go! No hippie van, no sixties disco music, no subject humiliation… My good time is cut short, though, when Hollyleaf calls out, "Wait! I have Google Maps. We can just use that. What's our first stop, Ferncloud?"

Noooooooooooooo. Curse you, technology. I wish you could eat a cell phone like you can eat paper. Quickly, I whip out my phone and bite it.

Nooooope. Does not taste good. At all. Uh-uh. Metal and rubber. Ick. Ivypool and Berrynose look at me strangely, then Ivypool shakes her head. "Normal Foxleap." Berrynose agrees with a nod before staring out the window. Hollyleaf types in our first stop (the Azuralei Hotel**, eleven hours away in Florida. Have I mentioned it's seven a.m.? It's too early for this.) And with that, Mom pulls out of the parking lot.

The trip has begun.

Hey guys and gals and everything in between! (I see ya Lavender.) Welcome to the first segment in a wild ride I've written called the Warriors Road Trip. Follow the POVs of Foxleap (mostly) Ivypool, Hollyleaf, Lionblaze, and Dovewing. Chapters are mainly in a single POV and first person. Review and request a crazy event to occur on the road, i.e. a snowstorm in June, some guy in a chicken suit crossing the road multiple times… or even a road trip hilarity you've experienced. In these ten weeks, the Warriors will see it all. And you are responsible for making them see even more than that.

So… what will happen next on the craziest road trip ever? Well, reader, I leave that to you and your imagination. Flying hedgehogs or a pack of unicorns in the road… anything goes! Review and tell me what you want to see, and you'll get a shoutout besides. I applaud you for making it this far, by the way. ;)

See you in February!

The One And Only AZURE! Love you guys!

*Quote: The Dumbest Idea Ever, Jimmy Gownley.

**This hotel DOES NOT EXIST. Just in case you thought it did. I wish it did. Ooooof.


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